Strike 2

You hate it when you're name is missplled right? Starbucks last Dec.1 and the same barista who misspelled my name last time, misspelled my name. . . AGAIN!! Here's the new version. . .

saturday & coffee

Alliance. When we were practicing pronounciation, the one beside me made a mistake in pronounciation. The our teacher called me. I know I pronounced the word right, I think he didn't hear me correctly. He got mad and said "Isa ka pa, you already did this in La Salle". I really dread the pronounciation type. This is usually the part where my teacher becomes bitchy. Come to think of it, don't I have the right to commit mistakes. Its not as if french is my vernacular language and I only started learning french last September. I like to tell him, "If you're a teacher you should be patient. Don't be so harsh on your students". From the first time he stepped in the classroom, I sense that he is someone you do not want to upset. . . Once you upset him, you're dead! I know he teaches well but the way he treats his students is something else.


Rockwell. After my usual saturday class. . . I went to Rockwell with my sister. We watched Casino Royale, the latest 007 movie. All I can say is that Daniel Craig is so unlikle the previous actors who played James Bond. No wonder he received such criticisms. One thing I noticed is that he doesn't have the accent. James Bond is suppose to have that distinct British accent. I now remember where Eva Green strared in. . . Kingydom of Heaven! I had a hard time remembering where I saw her. She played the Queen of Jerusalem.

After the movie, we met our dad and eat at Banana Leaf. Its a mix of different Asian cuisines. Plates are replaced by banana leaves, hence, the name Banana Leaf. Its unusual to eat on Banana Leaf and use utensils.

Where do we find Krispy Creme? When we were walking around the Power Plant Mall, we saw somebody carrying Krispy Creme. After we came from Starbucks, my dad asked the guard where Krispy Creme is but she said that there is no Krispy Creme in there. So, where is Krispy Creme?

Still in Rockwell. Likee a child, I still like seeing Christmas decorations. The pictures below are in Rockwell. One can be seen outside the mall and the other can be seen inside the hardware store.

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Yesterday. At Figaro. I joined my sister once again in Studying at Figaro. I need to study yesterday for my quiz this morning in IPOLECO (Internationa Political Economy). I can't seem to concentrate. Maybe because of the Lesbo couple. . . hmmm.my second round of coffeethat's them. . . my coffee, my readings and some other things.

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Tomorrow will be our online enrollment. Hope I still get to pick an acceptable schedule. IS department's schedule really sucks!

so far. . .

Yesterday, I wasn't able to attend my usual class in alliance. . . I know I set the alarm, but when I checked the time, it was already 9am. Shoot. . . I am late and it is embarrassing to come to class late. So, I asked my sister what she thinks . . . should I still go or not. . . She replied with, “pwede rin”. I decide not to go since I already know the lesson.

My dad texted me asking if he will fetch me. I have no plans of telling him that I woke up late and that I am not attending my class because he will interrogate. But he called. . . he asked about why I woke up late, if I didn’t have enough sleep, how am I doing in school and so on.

My sister then invited me to come with her because she is going to study In Starbucks. I went with her and brought my things hoping that I can study too. I read some pages of my readings in IPOLECO (international political economy) but most of my time was spent on people watching and translating words in my French study aid. So much for studying. . .

My sister and I meet with our dad in the newest addition to the SM North Edsa compound— the Block. We ate in Burgoo and what an eaves dropper I am (and my sis). We sat near this couple on a date and I couldn’t resist looking at them and seeing how their date goes. They ate pasta (shared), from the looks of it —I think the girl was insisting that she pays half of the bill and she already taken out her wallet from her bag. The bill came and the guy stared at the wallet, I don’t know why and I heard the girl say “sabi ko sa’yo eh.” Hmm. . . I couldn’t resist telling this to my dad and sister. My sister said that she heard the two talking and the guy said “Magdate ng iba? Sa’yo pa nga lang ubos na ang pera ko e”.

After we ate, I asked if we can go to Fully Booked. And again, I began my search for a European History book. . . Waah. . . those books are expensive. . . Still, I couldn’t resist buying. . .

A new addiction is Sudoku. . . still in Fully Booked . . . I passed by a stand where Sudoku puzzle are. I didn’t know those books are also expensive. I bought the least expensive. I couldn’t resist. . .

Earlier, my sister and I again went to a coffee shop. We studied in Figaro, Banawe. It’s my first time to try Figaro and I realized that if you want to study late at night, go to a Figaro shop because unlike Starbucks, there are less people, more conducive for learning and the coffee is strong. . . you have to try it.

picture: my things. . . at Figaro

Back in MC

Last saturday, after my usual alliance class, I went UP shopping center. I met with my high school friends in Rodic's. When I arrived, Ruth is about to eat her last spoonful. [Among us, Ruth is the slowest eater. . . ]

After I ate, Ruth had trouble with the change. The lady insists that they gave the right amount but we computed our bill and as it turns out, Ruth is right that the lady didn't gave the right amout. I want to give the lady a calculater because she is giving Ruth a hard time. I want to tell her to use a calculator.

At the entrance of the fair, I almost wasn't able to enter. I was wearing sleevless because of the stupid rule that you cannot enter if you are wearing sleevless, rubber slippers, etc. As if I'm wearing something revealing. Good thing that my friends are so kind that they bought me a shirt while Cartrid waited outside with me.

The fair. It was so boring, I should say. No octpus and not so many people. So unlike during our etime. During our time, (I feel old saying that. . . hehe) the fair was lively and a lot of people came. It would be a waste of Cartrid's money if we go right away, so we stayed. What did we do? Ruth, Cartrid, Pam and Nina looked for things that might interest them in the mini tiangge, while Mayit and I sat somewhere. After they bought ice cream. We did some people wathching. In between, we did what we enjoy best. . . CAM WHORING!!!!

A few remarks. Have you ever experienced going to a place where people dress the same? I don't mean a school, where all are wearing their school uniforms. In the fair, everywhere you look, you would see somebody wearing retro. Big belts, flat shoes, big shades, long top and sometimes curly hair. We spotted only few teachers familiar to us (sigh). Those familiar to us can't even chat because they are so busy. I spotted a cute bag (hehe). A stupid congratulations on a bulletin board. I want an MC doll!! The one I saw was wearing the grade school uniform, but Mayit said that they are selling dolls wearing the high school uniform. . . I like both!!!

saturday

Yesterday was my first day in Alliance. . . OH NO! The teacher is the same teacher who I meet every Tuesday and Thursday in our ELEMFRE class in DLSU. huhu. . . Our class is from 9 to 12, with a 15-20 min break. His teaching style in Alliance is the same as how he teaches in DLSU and he has the same teaching materials.

left: quincy's classroom in alliance

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After the class in alliance, I went to DLSU for the talk at 1pm c/o the Philo dept. I wasn't able to understand any of what the speaker is saying because I'm so sleepy. It's optional to come but if you did come and make a reaction paper, plus points will be given in our Philosophy of Person class.

right: the view from my seat. this is before the talk starts

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On the way back t bulacan, my dad and I stopped by the Petron along NLEX. We went to starbuck. And guess what? The barista gave my name a new spelling. How many times do you misspell the name Bianca?

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1 week to go before the midterms. . . What's sad is that the others are already enjoying their sembreaks. My friend Ruth is asking me when I can go out with them. I can't even set aside a day just for them.

As I am

Please don't compare

Please see me as I am

We are different

So different from each other

Even if we have the same beginning

Our endings would be different

I took a different path

So there would be no point to compare

But as I walk in my path

All I see are reflections of you

And I cannot go any further

LTO day

This morning, I went to LTO to get my liscence (my first) . . . we got there around 8:15 and we finished around 11:00. As always it was packed with people getting their renewal, student permits, car registration and driver's permit-by the way, my dad accompanied me-it was packed because of the lack of space, you could barely breath.

When we arrived, we were instructed to be drugged tested. They got urine sample but I am not sure if they even tested my urine or the urine of the others. I got shocked when I was told it costs 250php (so expensive for urine drug testing). I remembered that when I was in 3rd year high school (which was 2 years ago) that I only payed 90php for the same urine drug testing. It was then a mandatory random drug testing.

Hmm. . . so many fixers surrounding the area (my first observation of the people there). Next stop, madical examination. It costs 50php when all you got to do is the eye testing, height and weight. So much for medical exam. After that I lost track of the windows that we have to go to. . . (sighs). . .

I took a written test. My dad said I got 31 out of 40. The examiner told him that I almost failed. What?? What percent is the passing? The same examiner asked me if we brought a car and if it is manual or automatic. Luckily, we brought the Mitsubishi Lancer (manual) of my dad. I don't think I can drive a jeepney. He asked me to just circle the island of infront of the LTO. He wasn't even in the car with me when I was driving. He asked me to test drive, but I didin't hear him asked the others to drive. Is it because I am a girl so he doubts that I can drrive?? By the way, almost all that took the exam are male. (Did I see any female? I forgot already. . . But I don't think so) I hate discriminations!!!

Course Card Day

Ok, I admit. . . I was irritated with someone who sent me a text message regarding the sponsorship for the official publication of the college of Liberal Arts. She keeps on bugging me to check my email. What can I do? I am staying with my grandmother and there is no internet connection in her house. What will I do? I have to call 20 companies for that sponsorship. Long distance is so expensive.
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I finally got to know my grades. I am frustrated for what grade I recieved in one particular subject. . . I got a 1.5. I am supposed to be a dean's lister if not for that grade I got in LITERA1. There is a rule in the universty that DLs should not get a grade lower tham 2.0 for the term to be a DL. How frustrating. . . So even if I have a GPA of 3.022, it's no use. If only my professor was kind enough to reconsider. . . But I don't think that if I had asked, he would do something about it. . . Anyway, here's our grading system:

4.0 -> Excellent
3.5 -> Superior
3.0 -> Very Good
2.5 -> Good
2.0 -> Satisfactory
1.5 -> Fair
1.0 -> Passed
0.0 -> Failed
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I was asked by my INTPHYS professor to help him to check the papers of some of his students. How frustrating it would have been for him. . . Poor Mr. Guiao. . . most of what I have checked got a grade lower than the passing score. . . Then his students are asking if I can "help" them. . . Imagine just in front of the professor. Did they ever hear integrity? Integrity means doing the right thing even if no one is watching. . . At least I have learned something from my high school days. . . hehe. . . Thank you sir Overio!

Back to sir Guiao's class. . . I overheared one tell his classmates that he has 2 failures already. Excuse me. . . They are just first year students and it is only their first term. Some plead to sir to give them the grades that they needed. I never plead to a professor for a higher grade. I think I can never do that.

The Unconscious

Our mind has many layers; the two main layers are the conscious and unconscious. The conscious part, according to Raj Mansukhani, is the thoughts, whishes, desires and intentions we are actually aware of. The unconscious is its opposite. Sigmund Freud made the unconscious popular. According to Freud, the unconscious is a repository of thoughts, feelings, wishes, and desires which we are not willing to admit to ourselves.

Not only is unconscious a repository of our “hidden selves” but it also processes hundreds of thousand information. Our unconscious has what is called our adaptive unconscious, this helps us most especially in times of danger. Like what is described by Mansukhani, it guides us to stay away from a dark ally. Suppressing our unconscious can lead to mental disorders and personality quirks. This explains the phenomenon of the dual personality and those who are brought to the mental hospital.

Socrates said Know thyself, but knowing our true thoughts, wishes, desires and intentions would take a long time. I think that we must not control what our unconscious dictates us. We should follow what the unconscious says, after all, the unconscious contains all our thoughts, wishes, desires and intentions that we are not willing to admit to ourselves. We must therefore, reflect on the things that we really want, no matter how embarrassing those things might be for us. If we suppress our real thoughts, feelings, whishes and intentions, we might loose our minds. I think his is what happens to people who have dual personality; they have repressed their unconscious to much that their real selves wanted to get out of its shell so badly.

Knowing our own unconscious would enable us to discover our own selves. It would take a long time to know what we are hiding from ourselves, but it would take to a realization of who we really are.

picture: iceberg (http://processcoaching.com/images/Iceberg1.jpg)
the iceberg methapore, in which the tip of the iceberg (those that can bee seen on see level) is the conscious part of our mind

Ethics in the Kingdom of Heaven

What is ethics? It is defined by Florentino T. Timbreza as a practical and normative science, based on reason, which studies human acts and provides norms for their goodness and badness. In the move, Kingdom of Heaven, many ethical issues were seen due to the different beliefs of the characters. Balian of Ibelin (Orlando Bloom), showed the attitude of a deontologist—a person who looks at duty as a norm for his or her moral actions. He was so bound to his duty as a knight that he refused to kill Guy de Lusignan (Morton Csokas), in order to save Jerusalem and the lives of many. In a utilitarian point of view, shown by Sybilla (Eva Green), it is better for Balian to kill her husband and save the lives of the citizens of Jerusalem than to follow his duty as a knight. This is evident when Sybilla said to Balian, “There will come a time when you will wished that you did the lesser evil to do the greater good”. [I apologize if my memory of the line is not exactly what is said in the film]

The character of Guy de Lusignan, shows a mightiest. He believes, as Timbreza phrases, might is right. He was so obsessed with power that even before the previous king of Jerusalem died he asked Balian to kill Guy de Lusignan. Guy­ de Lusignan was the rightful heir o the throne because he is the husband of Sybilla, the sister of the king of Jerusalem.

From the point of view of the characters, we can see that power can corrupt and desire can lead us away from duty. For Balian was given the chance to be the king and marry is lover, Sybilla, but he choose to follow his duties. Once he did what was asked of him, which is to kill Guy de Lusignan, he would not be fully satisfied. He would have been immune to his conscience and would become power hungry like Guy de Lusignan. Power corrupts as evident in the stories in the Bible. After all, we are only humans and susceptible to desire.

Many would ask, how come God allowed evil in this world, but if we make a careful view of how God created things; we would not understand what is good if there is no evil.

picture:

Balian (http://www.weekinrewind.com/images/KingdomHeaven2.jpg)

Understanding the knight of faith

Sǿren Kierkegaard in his critique of Christianity identified three stages of life’s way. These are: 1.) aesthetic stage, 2.) ethical stage, and 3.) religious stage. The first stage, aesthetic stage is characterized by sensual pleasure. Ethical stage, the second bstage, is characterized by genuine faith. Abraham was the example given, he is said to be a knight of faith—a person who is in the third stage of life’s way, the religious stage. His genuine faith led him to willingly sacrifice his son Isaac to a voice who claims that he is God. A knight of faith is usually not understood by many. Take for example, Abraham when he was called by God to travel from country to country to a place promised to him by God. He followed God without knowing what place God wanted them to go to. To the eyes of many, Abraham’s decision is absurd. Kierkegaard said “faith is the objective uncertainty due to the repulsion of the absurd held fast by the passion of inwardness….”

A knight of faith is not recognized by religion. No matter what religion or belief a person can be called the knight of faith, as long as that person truly believes. I can look back to the discussion in INTHIL where Ms. Leslie concluded the discussion on comparing the “Christian” and the “Pagan”, it goes:

“If one who lives in a Christian culture goes up to God’s house, the house of the true God, with a true conception of God, with knowledge of God and prays—but prays in a false spirit; and one who lives in an idolatrous land prays with the total passion of the infinite, although his eyes rest on the image of an idol; where is there more truth? The one prays in truth to God, although he worships an idol. The other prays in untruth to the true God and therefore really worships an idol.”

According to Kierkegaard’s definition of faith, the “pagan” is the knight of faith. Why? The pagan, meaning those who do not believe in God, has a genuine faith. Unlike the Christian who goes to the house of God but prays in a false spirit, the pagan believes and put his faith in the infinite.

In our society, we see so many Christian who does what the Christian example does. We see many Christians whose house upon entering you would see a bagua, the Chinese mirror that they keeps bad spirit away from the house—to site an example. A priest in my hometown once said it his sermon that once you believe in those things that they say brings you luck, you are already breaking the commandment on false gods.

A second look at my faith: A reflection on Bertrand Russell’s Why I Am Not A Christian

URL of the article: http://www.users.drew.edu/~jlenz/whynot.html


Bertrand Russell defined a Christian as a person who believes in:
1.) God and immortality,
2.) Christ, if not divine, at least the best and the wisest of men.

Bertrand Russell critiqued the existence of God, the arguments of God’s existence, the character of Christ and His teachings, the moral problem, emotional factor, how the Church regarded progress, fear as the foundation of religion and finally, cited what we must do.

Reading the article, we would start to question our own belief. What Bertrand Russell is asking is: why do we believe in the things that we believe. I ask have believe for so many years of the Christian teachings. Is it because I was taught from childhood what I should believe. Is because I was taught from the moment I entered school that there is a being greater than anyone else, which is God. [My school from pre-school to high school is also a Catholic school]

This article only strengthened what I feel about my religion. I am not an atheist but I question the way people believe in God. I have been asking if all the ceremonies are necessary, if all the teachings are true, the existence of God and so on. I was also asking how religion came to be. According to Bertrand Russell, it was because of fear that people started believing in God. People wanted to feel safe, to know that there is someone who is there to watch over them in a chaos filled world.

The Catholic Church teaches that it is alright to suffer in this world because those who suffer will be rewarded in the afterlife. But do we really if the teaching we were made to believe are all true? In Bertrand Russell’s conclusion, he said that what we need to do is face the world without terror. The fear we have of eternal damnation would not be of help to us. Bertrand Russell also said that we have to make the world the best we can, if we could not make it as good as we wish it to be.

picture:

-http://www.nucu.org/images/sign_christianity.jpg

Out of the Cave: A reflection on Plato’s Myth of the Cave

Plato described a cave where men are chained so that they would not move and what they would see are only shadows. The shadows are cast by puppeteers from a wall; the prisoners seeing only the shadows all their lives believe that the shadows againts the wall are what they supposed to believe. The shadows are casts against a fire from the wall. At one point, one of the prisoners escapes and discovers what is real and what is not. Upon returning to the cave, the prisoner share what he has seen; but the other prisoners did not believe him.

Being a prisoner who has been trapped in the cave for as long as he can remember, would not believe a person who comes and shatters what he has believed for so long. The prisoner however has the right to search for the truth of what lies outside the cave. This allegory of Plato represents Socrates and the people of Athens. The people of Athens did not believe what Socrates’ beliefs and worst he angered many important people, most of them are Sophists.

Sometimes we are trapped in caves, and are being prevented from reaching what lies outside the cave. There are times when we wanted so much to struggle free from the grasps of the puppeteers, but their grip is just too tight. Take for example our parents; they have expectations that we would follow what they want. Some children are so unfortunate that their parents wanted them to fulfill their parents dream. Some children become rebel because of this. They were not allowed to express themselves and fulfill their own dreams.

Trying to break free from the expectations of others is a hard, even for me. I know my family expects me to become. I know they never approved of the course I took but they have no choice. I think that they are thinking that its better to let me take the course I like than see me rebel. Still they are hinting that I take maybe another course than what I am taking up.

picture:

Plato from http://vh.shu.edu.tw/~abc/todo/classics/photo_plato_detail.jpg

Amazing!!

Look! Last saturday, July 8, my sister and I went home to Bulacan as we usually do on wekends. Then, our aunt suddenly went inside the room and told us that there is a butterfly (a big one).


It's so nice! I just want to share with everyone.

It's a mariposa, in vernacular.

Butterflies

I don't remember when my facination with butterflies started. What is in butterfly that makes me feel happy?

Seeing a butterfly makes me want to chase it like a child.

Maybe it started when my mother died. Everytime the elders would see a white butterfly, they would say that she is there, watching over us.

It have given me solace during that time of grief. It gave me something to hold on to.

a letter to the other side

Hi! How long has it been since you've been gone? I don't want to count anymore. When you were still here, I wanted to tell you so many things and share all my thoughts and worries. We never had that I wish we had. For so long I wanted to ask you if I only gave you headaches and worries?

I never saw it coming, WE never saw it coming. . . you leaving. I'm sorry. I was never able to say to you all the things that i like to say. Maybe i was scared of how you would react to all that I wanted you to know or maybe I did not want to bother you because you have a lot of things in mind that are more important than me or what I want to say. Maybe it was both.

I'm sorry I'm such a failure. I never met your expectations. Maybe it would have been easier for you, if you didn't have me.

The Palawan Experience

Before the end of summer, I was given the priveledge to go to Palawan. . . It was really really nice. (I just love the beach. . . )



Welcome to the world's longest underground river . . . the next picture was taken when we are exiting . . .



but getting there was not easy. . . . just look at condition of the road . . .



This is the mountain where the underground river is located. A little blurry because this was taken when we are about to go to our hotel.

I'm watching. . .

Have you ever wished to disappear from this world? I have. Feeling that everybody is watching you. You are not supposed to move because every move you make is being recorded in a huge record book. How is it that I feel that that I am so stupid? I can't do anything right.

How's my day?

Today, classes started. I was already in school at around 7 even though my classes starts at 11:40. I have to fall in line in order to fix my very awful sched, unfortunately I wasn't able to do anything about it. =( i had a 3 hour break plus the professor of the 11:40 class dismissed early. During the long break, I went to a mall to meet my high school friends. . . to get there, I have to take 2 trains. After i went to see them, I ran back to school. . . haha. . . and that's it. . .

bonjour!

This is my very first entry to my very first blog. . . I finally have a blog. . . enjoy reading my entries from here on. . .