What I'm Looking For

I want someone who will accept me for what I am
Not judge me for what I lack
Helps me to stay grounded
Loves the people that I love
Mature enough to face defeat
Lends a shoulder to cry on
Makes me smile when the world is on my shoulders
But most of all, I want someone who my heart chose and not by my brain

A Prayer

Dear God,

Thank you for this day
Another chance to right what is wrong
Another chance ti be forgiven
Another chance to forgive those who have wronged us
Put in our hearts love for our neighbors
So that we may live in harmony
Teach us to respect one another
For without respect there could be no peace

Amen

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I will rise to see a brand new day
Tomorrow I will see new faces that come my way
Tomorrow I will have to face new challenges
Tomorrow I will have a new experience
Tomorrow I can share my new experience
Tomorrow I will have to sleep to but will rise to see another day



*I wrote this a while back...

A prayer

Dear Lord,

I give you a beloved of mine
Invite him/her in your arms
For I know that Your Love
Is greater than what I can give
Thank you for sharing him/her to me
Though our time together may be short
I know time will come
When I will rejoin him/her
In Your loving embrace

Amen

A prayer

Dear God,

Teach us to be patient
Teach us to be kind
Teach us to be compassionate
So that in time that we are troubled
May we hold each others hands

Amen

By the Sea

By the sea, I walked
To clear my head
To watch the waves
To gather my thoughts

By the sea, I thought of home
How I was raised
How I was loved
How I will live

By the sea, I thought of love
What it means to me
What it is to be loved
What people do for love

By the sea, I thought of life
Why people try to be better
Why we search for that something
Why we fear death

By the sea, I thought of death
Wonder why there are those who come to pass
Wonder when will be my last breath
Wonder if someone will care

By the sea, I realized
Nothing is will stay as it is
Nothing in the world will not wither
Nothing can withstand time

The House

Do you feel happy. . .
Living that way?
Do you feel lonely. . .
Now that the laughter has gone?
Do you reminisce. . .
The time when you feel like the king?
Do you wish. . .
That everything is as it is before?
Did you ever. . .
Do something to bring the past back?

10 things you shouldn’t do to your groupmates:

• Not to be 3 hours late in a meeting when you are living just beside your school.
• Never blame them for not reminding you that you project/paper is due, especially of you have the schedule of deadlines posted on your refrigerator.
• Never go to an amusement park when the deadline is the next day.
• Not have the initiative to approach your groupmate when you know that something is wrong.
• Be the most insensitive person in the whole wide world.
• Tell a person to calm down when you were the one asking them to hurry up.
• Not do what is asked of you to do.
• Ask them how to do the citation when you yourself have the book which is being followed.
• Not asking where or how they got the data.
• Not having the proper etiquette of a house guest.

almost graduating on june

My hope of graduating is slowly slipping from my hands. A part of me wish that I have connection to the different companies, embassies/consulate or firms, but a part of me want to find an internship on my own. I can't pull some strings since I don't know anyone who has a contact with the places in which we can apply for our practicum.


What ever will be will be. . .

Hospital Visit

Another Hospital
Another ICU
Another life at their hands

Fear surrounds me
Memories of the past return
The shock of that day remembered

All those machines
Those “white ladies”
Those doctors who visit

That person on the bed
With all the machines connected to her body
Maybe a love one or it could be you

For the loved ones of the patient
The anxiety is never ending
Until one gets better

In the past I have lost
Someone to death in a hospital
Someone who is very dear to me

Life became more complicated
Than it already is
For us who was left behind

Today, as I visit someone in the hospital
I felt depressed
Although she’s recovering

Perhaps it’s the hospital atmosphere
And memories of the past
That came rushing back

note:
I wrote this last night after I came from the hospital

untitled

Here I am
I can’t go any further
Because I am trapped
Trapped and nowhere to go
Choking but I can’t vomit

What I feel is emptiness
Emptiness that I can’t explain
I cry but I don’t know why
And I seek the reason
But I can’t find the answer

I see people pass me by
Why do I have this feeling
That they change and I remain
They learn to grow, I don’t
When will I be my turn then?


note:
I wrote this a long time ago
I think I wrote this in one of my class
So bored....

If I could

If I could free myself from these chains
I would climb the highest mountain
Reach for the farthest star
Swim the depths of the sea
Run that marathon
To find a meaning
To find what I want to do

But these chains bind me
I have a chain but there are no links
What am I chained to?
Did I just impose these chains on myself?
Can I find a way to free me?
Am I just afraid?
I might be for I don’t know myself
What I want
What I can do

My Girls. . .

Last Oct. 31, I met Bored in Katipunan. . . I was really really late, Mandy and Ruth are the first two to arrive. They arrive at 11:30. Take note, the call time was 1:00pm. They ate at Sweet Inspirations. I can’t believe that it was their first time to eat at that restaurant/pastry shop. Sweet Inspirations was there for as long as I can remember. My family and I used to go there to eat Mongolian so I don’t know how good the à la carte is. Mandy suggested to everyone NEVER to order the sinigang. Its like drinking vinegar. Nina ordered New York Cheesecake then everyone followed and bought herself a slice of a cake of her choice.

I arrive at around 2pm. For unknown reason/s I was late. (Bored! It’s my first time to be late!!). But I wasn’t the only one to be late. . .haha. Ruth invited Dianne to come with us. A special guest is not new to bored, last time the guest was Renren. (Remember EK? :-p)

Cartrid was fortunate enough to be allowed to go early. We’re fortunate that she was allowed to go early because we have free food. Guess where? At our fave place in katips, SHAKEY’S! Unfortunately, we were not able to sit at our usual table.

Mandy was supposed to leave early but when Cartid announced that she will treat us, Mandy said that she will stay. haha. What the word libre can do!

The usual scene when bored meet are cameras flashing (on that day the cam to people ration was 3:6), lol, gossiping, kamustahans and pigout. Haha. =)

Hope to see most if not all of you soon. . . =)

Note:
So sad, I was not able to bring my own cam. My sis borrowed it.
I was only able to finish downloading all of the pics this week.

Story of a Little Girl

There was a little girl
So innocent about the world around her
She love to do what other children does
She thinks like other children think
One of her illusions is of fairy tales
Mommy was the princess
Daddy was the handsome prince
And their house was the palace
So simple was the world for a child like her

Fate, however, became the wicked witch
For her innocence about the world was shattered
So shattered was she that she can no longer dream of a happy ending
Her illusion was ruined by the people
Who she thought would make real
The lines: happily ever after
And she thought, “fairy tales do not exists,
And those who believe it are doomed”

The little girl soon grew up
No longer believing in fairy tales and happy endings
She can no longer trust anyone, even herself
She believes that anyone would hurt her
So she casts a wall around her heart
Not permitting anyone to enter
But deep inside the little girl wants to reach out
For anyone who can help her
To mend her heart and break her walls

Mon Amie

I have a friend; we used to be classmates in our high school days. She is one of the few people who I think really knew me. There were times when I would go to her to tell her about the things that are bothering me. Yet, she never told me of her troubles.

She was gone for a long time and I never heard from her for a round a year. She never told me of her problems until recently. And to top it all, she told me not in a face-to-face meeting. I remember that I was able to catch up with her online and confirmed with her what one of our mutual friends knew; she said it was all true. But its not! All she told me were lies.

Was I shocked when I heard what really happened? I don’t know what I felt really. But the thought/idea bugged me for a long time. After I talked to several friends I have come to realize several things about her situation:

· She is not ready to handle the situation she is in (well, who would really be ready in a situation like hers?)

· She is at the losing end. No matter how I look at it, I always go back to the question: what about her future?

· As our 4^th year English teacher told us, nothing is more painful than dream unfulfilled

· For how long would they stay the way they are?

why i fear holding on than letting go

(a follow-up to a previous entry)

· I feel that if I hold on to someone/something for too long, it would be so painful letting go

· I might get use to having held on to somebody that I would loose who I am without it

· I lost the two poles that are supposed to be my foundation

· I am afraid of driving them away if I hold on to them

· I am afraid that the very few who I hold on to are going to let me go so easily

· I am afraid that if the ones I hold fails me, I would no longer be able to trust myself to hold on to another

· I might be shunned

realizations during a cold shower at 1 in the morning

• Life sometimes gives trials that are difficult to take head on, but it doesn't mean that life in not beautiful. La vie est trés belle.
• I fear holding on rather than letting go.
• Facing what we fear makes us a hell lot stronger.
• Acceptance makes things easier.
• To hell with forgive and forget. People say this all the time, but do they really practice what they preach? Of course you don't forget, especially if a person did something really bad towards you.
• No matter how hard you try to mask yourself, reality would wake you with a hard slap on your face.
• There are a lot of people who would hurt you and you can't go around it.
• Walk with your chin up, what is there to be ashamed of?

feeling drained and depressed

I hate this feeling. I have a lot of things to do but I just can't focus on anything. The week isn't even on its halfway, but the feeling is like it is already Thursday. My body wants to lie down and my brain already wants to shut down. I don't want to show may face to our thesis mentor tomorrow. I just don't want to think of what his comments will be on our paper. I just remembered, I have a lot of things to do tomorrow. Wednesdays are supposed to be my restday. Unfortunately, my professor scheduled a make up class. Thursday is a full day for me. I have 4 classes, each is a 1.5 hour class. I have to study for our graded dialogue in French, make handouts for my reporting and read the assigned materials for the two other classes (boring! plus, its long). I'm currently waiting for my thesis groupmate. I hope we finish early. . .

I'm discerning whether I would attend our make up class.

Trusting people??

Who are you to lecture of being careful on who to trust? You yourself do not know who you can trust. You do not know who are the people that only uses you. People who only stick by you because they need things from you.

If they know. . .

If they found out, I don't know what will happen. . . I might be shouted at. Again. I will be compared to my older sister. Why she is this and that. Even she would lecture me. I'm so tired being measured by what she is and what I'm not. Well, I might just admit to the fact that I'm a failure. . . I pray- wait, I don't do that- I wish I would be able to pull this off.